Farrareefae? – The antidote to time-share touts
Some time ago the editor of the Leopard gave a very interesting talk to the Cults 050 Group. Afterwards I told her about an incident that occurred in Barcelona and she asked me to share the story.
Four of us were on holiday in Madeira and time-share touts would try to interest us in their accommodation. We tried to ignore them, but one kept going on in a Brummie accent until my sister got fed up and said, “Ah dinna ken fit ye’re spikkin aboot”.
“Ah! Francoise,” said the rep and walked away. (I think she meant ‘Francaise’.)
On holiday with friends in Sorrento we went on a bus trip to see temple ruins. The only seat was beside a schoolgirl of about 12 years old. Should I speak to her? I decided to risk it and we had an interesting conversation in English about her hopes for the future.
A lady in the seat behind, her mother, leaned forward and asked “Farrarreefae?” Snap! They were from Aberdeen, too.
The same four of us were walking down La Rambla in Barcelona. A beggar started on the farthest person from me.
I must describe him. It was a very warm day, but this beggar was wearing a raincoat. No fear of sunstroke because the sleeves hardly came past his elbows and did not reach his knees, the material having rotted away. No shoes or socks. His skin was filthy, as was his straggly beard.
He arrived at my elbow and rambled on in snippets of Spanish, German, French and English. I ignored him until he took hold of my sleeve. So I said, certain it would see him off, “Ah dinna ken fit ye’re spikkin aboot”. To my utter astonishment he replied, “Ah! Bleddy Aiberdeen!”. I went into fits of laughter and gave him all the change in my pocket.
We parted on the friendly terms and he insisted on shaking hands. Our hotel was only about 100 yards away and I hurried back so that I could disinfect myself of the exotic life forms I had acquired.
Try the Doric abroad. It could bring interesting results.
Walter Burnett, walterhburnett@btinternet.com